I have not written on my blog for approximately a week. China's internet restrictions are simply befuddling. Some weeks I can access my blog, other weeks I cannot. If I cease writing for a prolonged period of time, China is usually to blame.
The past week has been pretty difficult for me. Most mornings I awoke to uneasy and unhappy feelings: I don't want to teach. I don't want to ride buses. I don't want to wile away time in my office. I don't want to sit with teachers in the cafeteria. I don't want to plan lessons. I don't want to play badminton or ping-pong. I don't want to read. et cetera. et cetera.
The worst part....I can't explain the reasoning behind these feelings. I can't explain why I have felt so low and sad. I can't explain why I have felt angry and bitter. I can't explain my recent distaste for my job.
Perhaps I'm simply circling through one of the stages of culture shock...however, it's a lame excuse considering I have lived in China for seven blissful months.
One of my students noticed my lack of effervescence in class one day. He asked me if I was tired or sad. I decided to hide my unexplained feelings behind the weather forecast; I told him cloudy days made me sad...the sun helps me smile. And his reply:
"You are sad because you believe in God. When it is sunny you can feel God's presence...see him in the sky. But when it is raining, it is hard to see him.....hard to feel him. This is why you are sad."
Oh China, in all the ways you astound me with absurd antics, you still manage to floor me in the most eccentric, prolific, and astute ways.
The sun is shining today...and I feel good. I feel happy.
Extraordinary insight exists in uncommon places.
1 comment:
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